sometimes i'm a bitter butt

it's true, i'm bitter. but i still hope. we all do. we were created by a hopeful God, with a hopeful love. so why wouldn't we hope? i find this irritating sometimes, my hope springing up when all i want to do is throw a pity party. when i'm good and cynical. throwing out choice morsels of words that make me feel like my party is just getting started. i start to sink into the feelings, wrapping them around me like a comfy blanket. and then hope, like a bucket of cold water, totally messes with that comfort. sometimes i hate hope. my humanity glares at it, like my four year old glares at me after a time out. how dare it mess with my OBVIOUSLY, justified cynicism. but then when hope has poked at me enough to make me open my eyes and tell it to go away, i see the God behind the hope. the God who loved a people who had wrapped themselves in their pity, and shut their eyes. He loved us enough, to send His Hope to us.

 i'm bitter. i'm bitter at the church for turning it's backs to a people so lost in their bitterness and pity, that they cannot see Hope. a church ignoring the people who have chosen to believe in Hope, to follow Hope, and then are crushed by the people in their own church. not the church building that we're always so proud of. not the church music that we act is a direct link to God's jiving-bones. not the traditions that are beautiful in their own way. i'm upset with the people who make up the church. when did we become so busy, so self-important that not do we only make time for God on sundays, but each other? i'm not sure what version of bible you read, it's pretty irrelevant in this one point. they all shout this out pretty clearly

...LOVE GOD AND LOVE EACH OTHER. 

we weren't meant to take on parenting, marriage, jobs, sickness, money issues, loss and LIFE without each other. i have watched countless friends walk away, get too busy, find flaws that can't be forgiven, and spread words of hurt like a cancer. i'm not unique in this. it's probably happened to you. it happens too often. when this happens enough, the bitterness sinks in, the Hope is hidden from our eyes. i have been blessed with the daddy's family. more godly people you'd have a tough time finding. they have walked beside me in my hurt, my losses, my joy and my hope. it's so natural to them. i can't understand how this is not more natural, to a people who have chosen to seek Hope. does your heart not hurt? aren't you lonely? do you feel like you are screwing your kids up? yes. the answer is yes. you don't have to tell me about it. i'd love to hear, i'd love to help.(or just sit with you and cry. i'm a great crier, plus i bring wine.) but even if you chose to keep these truths to yourself, consider that they are truths for every one else.

this sunday is easter. the day our hope was embodied. Hope that broke free of death and took on our bitterness. have someone over for lunch and share a little hope. 

don't be a bitter butt.