catching the last rays of summer

fair fun

going to my very first ride...elephant ears with daddyand cotton candy with mommy.went to see the cows, but i yelled when she wouldn't let me touch them...so we left.face paintingsister mostly watched. until next time fair.

give me a B, give me an A, give me a T...

now that peanut is basically sitting up (she still throws herself back, but whatever. i'm claiming it as a milestone.) anyway, now that she's "sitting alone" we can put her in the bath with monkey which shortens our bedtime routine by a ton. daddy had to work tonight until long after the kids bedtime so i decided to give double bath a shot. success! they loved it. monkey giggled basically the whole time and peanut butter lounged in her little seat. after bath they laid side by side for p.j.'s and bedtime lotion, then we did bedtime prayers and singing. they are both sound asleep and it's only a half hour past 8pm. what amazing children i have!

today my heart breaks

i'm in the midst of weaning my precious daughter. it's been amazing to be able to nurse her for these past seven months. and though i won't be able to continue for a year or more which was my hope, i'm happy to have made it this far. it's time.

this is my current regimen: four doses of dicloxacillin a day for mastitis. five doses of acidophilus with bifidus a day to avoid getting thrush. still have thrush so i take four doses (four weeks) of diflucan. four pills of lecithin for a total of 4,800 mg a day. one prenatal a day. one vitmin c supplement a day. ketoconazole for topical treatment. and vicodin for the pain. I’ve had to cut out dairy because she has problems with it, but that’s not really much a problem for me.

i have two months supply pumped out so she’ll be able to continue on breast milk for a while after she weans. i'm pretty sure i've exhausted my resources. lol. i’ve been to my OB quite a few times, a LC twice, called the LLL and searched like crazy for a solution online. i’m always up for more ideas, and honestly i cry when i think about weaning. but i really can’t keep up with a toddler and soon to be very mobile daughter with this pain. thank you to everyone for your never ending support and encouragment! what an experience. :)

not really what van gogh had in mind

maybe you've noticed, lately the super cool thing to do is take your own picture. well take thousands of your own pictures and post them. either on your myspace or facebook. maybe you haven't, i don't know. but being that my husband and i have a lot of teenagers and young adults that we're still involved in the lives of, i see this as a pretty common occurrence. it's actually very annoying. however, it has its perks if you think about it. you don't mind making the same face twenty times in a row to find "just the right one", because really who's looking? no one really knows how much make up you're wearing in real life, so you can cake it on baby. and of course what's a self portrait without a self-deprecating title below despite the hours spent finding that "super hot, omg look at my hair" picture. check out this stud. maybe this is just an old idea reinvented? although i'm not hacking off my ear, i don't care how fly i'd be. yeah, i said fly. you heard me. i like to think i'm not totally out of touch, i am after all only 24. however i guess becoming a mom and being married for so long has me way out of the loop. i still let my husband take my picture. or of course there's the total stranger you ask to take one for you. remember those days? apparently to many cameras found a new home with those willing strangers. now we take our own pictures, complete with the super white "flash" forearm. thank heavens for photoshop!

here's my issue, i can't seem to look the camera in the "face". i feel like it knows my secret and it's going to tell you i took it myself. nothing is a dead give away quite like this face...

mooooooo

isn't it amazing that you can do something so fabulous and huge, and still feel like a farm animal? this gorgeous looking stash is all from july and one week of august! i've been forced to pump along with nursing due to the issues i had mentioned before, but something great has come from it. peanut will be able to continue with breast milk for a while after she weans. so i'm trying to be all thankful and yada yada yada...

monkey on the other hand thinks this is all too interesting. i had no idea he was paying such close attention until today. he also tried pumping peanut's tummy and daddy's arm. without success however.

daddy kisses

something good

today on something good it was asked how our husbands are trustworthy. "daddy" is the complete embodiment of trustworthiness. it amazes me what i can come to him with, all the secrets of the heart and confess them without fear of judgment. he stands ready with encouragement and love every single time. even in his desire to help solve whatever the issue is. my sweet man is and always will be a problem solver. but even in that, i can always count on him for an open ear and heart.

method to my madness

i've been struggling for years to find things organic and biodegradable that won't totally kill the budget. thank you leonardo dicaprio for making it cool to "live green". i can finally not feel bad about using a a fresh sheet for every mess. they also make the baby wash/shampoo we use as well as my body wash. smells sooooo good!

six months

and for a little comparison... one month old

world breastfeeding week

i'm about to be long winded, and on a subject that makes many people uncomfortable. complete with pictures that might make you squirm. but it's very close to my heart right now, and in honor of the many women out there working so hard to provide what they feel is best for their babies, i wanted to share my story.

breastfeeding. ooooh, dirty word for some. and understandably so. in our culture when a women lifts her shirt to feed her baby, it's met with stares and glares. not much encouragment. i can remember the first time i decided to feed peanut in public. well who are we kidding, i'm not one to back away from a challenge, she was less then a month and i decided to do it in front of teenagers in a waiting room at the mall. HA! made them squirm. not that that is my intent, but boy was it fun.
when i decided i wanted to breastfeed was of course with my son. as most of you know, he ended up in children's hospital at three days old and with all the feeding tubes and wires, my hopes of breastfeeding were wisked away in three sleepless nights of crying and heartbreak. monkey wouldn't latch. nothing we did worked, and after trying desperately, i decided to pump and feed him for six weeks and then switched to formula. let me interject something here. i am so grateful that we live in a day and age that provides us with formula when we, as the mothers cannot provide of our own. i would never dream of forcing my "ideas" of breastfeeding on anyone. this is to support those who have already decided to. and if i can educate someone about the benefits, i will. happily. ask me anytime. but not today.
when we found out we were pregnant with peanut , i was once again ready to try nursing. i read up, talked to friends, and did my best to prepare myself. when peanut came she latched right away and my heart sang. any mother who has even for the briefest of moments, held their child close and nursed them will tell you, there is nothing quite like the bond you feel. i still feel that bond to monkey, and i nursed him for less then four days. peanut is a nursing champ, and i am blessed to have made it six months as of tomorrow. it's been one of the longest roads i've ever been on. i've fought through mastitis many times, thrush many times, pain, sleepless nights, and frustration. i have a glitch in my system that causes me to be prone to clogs. which causes me to be prone to mastitis. my doctor has given up and told me to quite. my lactation consultant has run out of ideas. even the lovely ladies at the LLL (la leache league) are lost. but i refuse to give up. it's what's best for my daughter.
when i realized today marked the beginning of world breastfeeding week, and i could say that i'm was a part of that...i can't explain the feeling. i desperately wish i could! i realize i've been somewhat bull-head about this, but i feel so strong now! i'm a mom, and i've done what only a mom can! nothing will change that, ever. i can't imagine how excited God must have been to create us with the desire and ability to nurse our children. knowing what we would feel when we made it a minute, a day, a week, a month, a year.
THIS is why we feed our children in public. we're not trying to embarrass you (unless your a punk teenager, lol) kidding. it's because we hear our child cry from hunger and we choose to provide love and comfort to them right then. next time you see a women stuggling to hide her boob while feed her baby, smile. you don't have to smile at her if it makes you feel uncomfortable. it's okay to feel that way. but smile, and know that what she is doing is something only an amazing, loving God could dream up.

a thing of beauty